Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Our boys are farting machines.

Seriously. Do all little boys fart all the time? Or is it just ours? Sorry, but I just can't imagine a little girl farting so much.

Of course if I'm talking about our boys farting, you know there's a story. Here's what happened:

George and boy #1 and boy #2 are at the hockey arena while boy #3 is playing hockey. Boy #1 lets out a quiet but deadly one. Man nearby accuses his own son of farting. Boy #1 knows what he did was wrong but won't apologize to neighbouring boy who is getting in trouble because it would be "embarrasing".

So boy #1 gets George's stinkeye and a good talking to.

Not 4 minutes later, George can smell it again. But this time it's worse. And this time other parents  are looking at him and boy #1 and boy #2 in disgust. Boy #1 says that boy #2 farted. Boy #2 confirms it and thinks it funny. Needless to say George is mortified.

Both boys say they "didn't feel it coming" and/or "couldn't hold it."

We say they're full of shit. Literally I suppose.

We said that all this farting must be due to excessive halloween candy eating. Therefore, we confiscated the rest of their candy. We may (or may not depending on our late night hunger) hide it and dole it out gradually after a few weeks.

We have had this discussion more times than we care to remember. They both know that farting in public is wrong. But yet, they still do it. One time, Boy #2 farted 4 times in a hospital waiting room. And one of those times was on my friggen lap!

So my questions is this. Are all little boys farting machines? And if so, when will they grow out of this stage.

11 comments:

Andrew Vail said...

Yes. Little boys ARE farting machines and they become grown men who are farting machines. They will grow out of it, never! ;-) Boys/men farting is the stuff of comedy and practical jokes and sight (and sound) gags (literally). The best is to socially condition them to fart in an appropriate place (like at home, the washroom...a windy alley). On the other hand, after abdominal surgery, the doctors and nurses encourage the patient to fart as much as possible as it's healthy and good for the body. It's just really hard to fart on command with doctors and nurses egging you on... egg farts are another topic. ;-)

Karina said...

Um, I hate to break it to you, but everyone farts and you don't "outgrow" it. If a kid has to fart, let them!!! Holding it in will only cause stomach pains and other problems, which you don't want to have to deal with! Obviously it isn't ideal to do it in public, so yes, try to get them to be discrete. And of course to MOST kids it is a funny thing. And yes, little girls fart as well, we have plenty of that in our house. Also, get used to being embarrassed by your kids--that won't end any time soon!

Robert & George said...

Go to the bathroom to fart or have stomach pains. Seems pretty straightforward to me :)

Peter On The Bruce said...

I fart in Walmart.

Jen B said...

Farting has got to be one of the funnisest things on earth - according to most boys AND men (and some women) I know. Just keep encouraging them to at least move away from people to fart...and then pat their pants before they come back so they leave the stink behind (no pun intended). When they do it in public I normally respond with - You stink. You could at least say excuse me. To which they normally do...with a giggle. This is definitly one of those areas where I would say pick your battles wisely. :)

Anonymous said...

I can't really remember the last time I held a fart then ran to the bathroom. Normally I just pretend it's not me. I sort of think that's status quo. Get used to being embarrassed, it's part of the parent package. You guys are doing awesome, don't sweat the small stuff.

Katharine said...

Just wait until someone teaches them how to make farting noises with their armpits.... then the fun really begins!

Peter On The Bruce said...

I just tried and I can't do it....!

Robert & George said...

I hope no one ever teaches them how to armfart! Do you hear that Peter on the Beach??

Linda Morris said...

Robert, as a mother of 3 daughters, I can most assuredly tell you - they DO fart. And G can tell you that Kenna farts as bad as a little boy. And armfarts... she's a master.

OnlyMi said...

Pretty soon they'll be going off to university and finding out that well placed farts are hilarious (I heard this from a man I married). However, they'll need to start practicing control now. They'll learn about crop-dusting and other terms to explain the various dispersal modes. Fun times ahead. And wait 'til it's at the dinner table...it will be at the dinner table.